Subtle Vengeance

(21:46:16) Emrys I am going to see what the fuss is over avatar
(21:46:21) James Reinsch ugh
(21:46:23) James Reinsch okay
(21:47:38) Emrys and the ship looks like a scrotum
(21:47:47) James Reinsch lol
(21:48:13) Emrys its four GIANT balls… with pinchers
(21:48:37) Emrys and a LONG shaft with a nub at the tip
(21:48:40) Emrys SPACE PENIS
(21:49:31) Emrys Cameron is literally waving a giant penis around
(21:51:09) James Reinsch tell me if cracked was right about the whole braid-sex-dragon-rape thing
(21:51:39) Emrys oh… I know you dont plan on watching it… so I am going to ramble about it to you
(21:53:32) Emrys The Marine Head of Security is NOT outfitted correctly…
(21:55:35) Emrys his uniform isnt pressed right, and you DONT wear a gun in a reverse holster… ever
(21:58:53) Emrys omg… its Frank Jr
(21:59:15) Emrys and hes like… lex luthor
(22:00:09) James Reinsch can i paste this chat to my blog after its over? i sense this might get hilarious
(22:00:43) Emrys yeah I guess so
(22:00:50) Emrys be sure to warn about spoilers though
(22:01:09) James Reinsch kk
(22:01:18) Emrys Ms Weaver is… crabby mad science lady
(22:01:45) James Reinsch i had such a crush on her when i was a kid and saw Alien
(22:02:10) Emrys shes not horribly thin either… a nice healthy weight
(22:03:15) Emrys cripple marine is enjoying his new blue form… its like watching someone learn to control an MMO character for the first time
(22:04:06) Emrys and furry girls everywhere creamed their panties when they saw blue boy’s bare ass
(22:05:15) Emrys bad penis joke involving the prehensile tails
(22:09:19) Emrys ugh.. Marine Commander just offered Cripple Boy the ability to walk if he give him the intel to crush the natives
(22:09:49) James Reinsch shouldnt his army benefits cover reconstructive surgery? its not like he’s asking for a new nose
(22:10:09) James Reinsch i’m glad i dont have to commit genocide to qualify for your drug coverage
(22:10:26) Emrys HAHAHA Vet benefits are some of the worst EVER
(22:10:31) James Reinsch IBM > space marines
(22:10:55) Emrys yeah
(22:11:30) Emrys some of the plants look like they belong in Willy Wonka’s factory…
(22:12:44) Emrys and those look like giant ribbon candies…
(22:12:53) Emrys was he hungry when he wrote this scene?
(22:12:54) James Reinsch blue elves… orange midgets… same diff?
(22:13:22) Emrys nono… the foliage of the plant looks like candy
(22:13:30) James Reinsch OOM pah LOOM pah doopidy doo… i’ve got a wild forest for oyu…
(22:13:37) Emrys yeah
(22:13:59) James Reinsch i wish i knew a dozen midgets, we could make a parody video
(22:14:12) Emrys and… that looks like he played with Spore creature creator… rhino and hammerhead shark
(22:14:35) James Reinsch “let’s combine 2 random animals! thats way better than creativity!”
(22:14:45) Emrys and thats a platypus crossed with a panther
(22:14:52) James Reinsch seriously?
(22:14:55) Emrys with some feathers!
(22:15:04) James Reinsch platypi are fucked up enough as is
(22:15:22) Emrys it also has some chicken like features
(22:15:24) James Reinsch i wish hollywood would just hire the dresden codak guy for alien world creation
(22:15:43) James Reinsch at least he has a grasp of the concept of alien environments creating alien creatures
(22:16:30) Emrys yeah
(22:17:05) Emrys you know those mix and match animal games? with the three parts you can switch up… I think cameron played with one
(22:17:37) Emrys and since when did Mimosa trees become “alien”?
(22:18:07) James Reinsch i heard they handwaved it with one line about how they populated pandora with earthlike shit 100 years prior

(EDIT: I later found out, this was not in the movie. It was Cracked’s suggestion for how to make the movie make more sense. The movie gives no explanation as to why this alien world is so Earthlike.)

(22:18:17) James Reinsch which to me is lazy-ass writing
(22:18:35) James Reinsch then again… “unobtainium”? seriously?
(22:18:44) James Reinsch because it’s unobtainable?
(22:18:50) Emrys “Oh a dandelion fluff stopped on my POISON TIPPED arrow, I guess I wont shoot this obviously NOT native guy”
(22:19:47) Emrys apparently mimosa tree sap is FLAMABLE… small problem… they DONT produce sap
(22:19:59) James Reinsch it’s ALIEN mimosa
(22:20:19) Emrys a hyena crossed with a bald rat and beetle… really?
(22:20:43) James Reinsch beetles arent mammals… that’s beyond even mad science
(22:20:53) Emrys and everything has REALLY large genitals, and 6 arms/legs
(22:21:01) James Reinsch wait what?
(22:21:09) James Reinsch the beetleratdog has giant balls?
(22:21:28) Emrys giant pecker
(22:21:38) James Reinsch JEEZUS WHY
(22:21:52) James Reinsch james cameron is a furry. jury’s in.
(22:21:57) Emrys and “hot female lead” has appeared… and shes naked
(22:22:06) James Reinsch woot?
(22:22:29) Emrys nah… shes rail thin… and elongated
(22:22:45) James Reinsch ugh
(22:23:02) James Reinsch whats a man gotta do to see a curvy gal naked in a movie?
(22:23:13) James Reinsch aside from bring home a video camera and buy you flowers maybe
(22:23:14) Emrys make it himself?
(22:23:40) Emrys yay she smacked him
(22:23:53) James Reinsch you know that always bothers me…
(22:24:02) James Reinsch a woman can slap a man on tv or in a movie
(22:24:09) James Reinsch but reverse it and suddenly its obscene
(22:24:39) James Reinsch every time a woman hits a man in a film i think to myself “if it were reversed, would i be offended?”
(22:25:04) Emrys shes a bitch
(22:25:10) James Reinsch awesome
(22:25:28) James Reinsch how long till his acts of heroism melt her frigid heart? place your bets.
(22:25:59) Emrys hes gunna do something… oh wait… the dandelion fluffs will melt her heart
(22:26:05) James Reinsch what?
(22:26:48) Emrys dandelion fluffs crossed with jelly fish… apparently they are “pure spirits”
(22:26:59) James Reinsch treespooge is far too pivotal to this story
(22:27:02) Emrys and her heart just melted… they massed on blue boy
(22:27:11) James Reinsch shit already?
(22:27:16) James Reinsch he’s been there 20 minutes!
(22:27:19) Emrys probably
(22:27:25) Emrys 42mins in
(22:27:39) James Reinsch everything he does from here out is motivated by alien poon
(22:27:40) Emrys haha he fell
(22:28:10) Emrys umm… sea horses crossed with real horses… doesnt that defeat the purpose?
(22:28:23) Emrys AGAIN with the giant peckers and 6 legs
(22:28:24) James Reinsch no, it makes them MORE horses
(22:28:38) James Reinsch it makes them… amphibious? i dunno
(22:28:56) Emrys and now to Grandmother Tree!
(22:29:25) James Reinsch aka “flimsy excuse for pagans to rally ebhind the film”
(22:29:30) Emrys not a single rack of the blue women bounces… not a one… not even the smallest bit
(22:33:02) Emrys the Native American design is VERY evident… except for the wise woman… who is a blatant rip on a voodoo mumba
(22:34:36) James Reinsch no breast jiggle? i thought this was supposed to be a CG masterpiece
(22:34:45) James Reinsch even old dreamcast games have breast jiggle
(22:34:49) James Reinsch mmm, skies of arcadia…
(22:34:56) Emrys the hair and tails move more
(22:35:05) James Reinsch furries.
(22:35:32) James Reinsch freaking deviants aren’t interested in boobs. it’s downright unamerican.
(22:35:43) Emrys you arent even american
(22:35:55) James Reinsch i know, right?
(22:35:59) Emrys lol
(22:37:35) Emrys and that looks like a brontosaurous crossed with a gazelle and an anteater
(22:38:40) Emrys umm… he just put his long braid squigglies into the not-horse’s… ear?
(22:38:58) Emrys and she called it “a bond”
(22:39:24) James Reinsch interspecies “bonding.”
(22:39:28) James Reinsch fscking furries.
(22:39:31) James Reinsch :p
(22:40:30) Emrys it allows them communicate with thought… *eyeroll*
(22:40:58) Emrys apparently there are “floating” mountains
(22:40:59) James Reinsch i communicate with thought when we “bond.” usually the thought is “this feels good. let’s keep doing it.”
(22:41:39) Emrys I know the planet is suppose to be low grav… but floating mountains… really? how the hell does THAT work?
(22:44:13) James Reinsch hm.. the core of the mountain would have to be something lighter than air
(22:44:27) James Reinsch there are lots of gases like that. but then the mountain would be mostly hollow.
(22:44:34) Emrys and they have flying beasts with the same weird ear connector thingy
(22:44:41) James Reinsch i couldnt really see it happening without some major engineering
(22:44:48) James Reinsch and heavy machinery
(22:45:16) Emrys its like a pteradactyl crossed with a butterfly and hummingbird
(22:49:52) James Reinsch i hope the pteradactyl wasnt the dad
(22:59:29) Emrys and now hes a part of the tribe because he can fly one of the butterfly things
(22:59:41) Emrys and shes proud of him
(22:59:47) Emrys theyre gunna bang
(23:00:23) James Reinsch hooray?
(23:01:38) Emrys ever creature seems to have extra bits
(23:02:59) Emrys the tails are attached weird… too high on the back
(23:07:47) James Reinsch you’d think furries would iunderstand the concept of the “tailbone”
(23:08:19) Emrys yeah… its about 3in above that
(23:08:36) James Reinsch so like in bad furry art :p
(23:09:55) Emrys and theyre doing it, in what looks like a pot smokers blacklight dream
(23:10:07) James Reinsch seriously?
(23:10:14) James Reinsch matrix 2 flashback
(23:10:25) James Reinsch neo and trinity at the dance party
(23:10:37) Emrys yeah basically
(23:10:37) James Reinsch filed under “sex scenes we could live without”
(23:11:30) Emrys and shes dragging his helpless body away from the bulldozers
(23:21:07) James Reinsch is it at least entertaining?
(23:21:10) Emrys “According to James Cameron, the Na’vi are blue to create a conceptual parallel with traditional Hindu depictions of God (e.g., in the forms of Vishnu, Shiva, Rama, Krishna, etc.), but also because “I just like the color blue.”"
(23:21:33) Emrys Its.. meh… it is VERY Pocahantus
(23:21:36) James Reinsch people read too much into james cameron stuff
(23:22:13) James Reinsch i heard people were pissed about weaver’s character being a smoker because they thought he was advocating smoking
(23:22:23) James Reinsch the response being “uh… she’s not a role model”
(23:22:51) Emrys nah… shes a cold hearted bitch
(23:23:11) James Reinsch thats your final opinion then? “meh”?
(23:23:25) Emrys I dunno yet
(23:23:28) Emrys movies not over
(23:23:39) Emrys theres a LOT of fluff that could be pared down
(23:23:50) Emrys its damn near three hours long
(23:24:14) James Reinsch jeez really?
(23:24:36) Emrys I’m at an hour 40… and its 160mins long
(23:25:28) Emrys the army is attacking the natives for the gold.. I mean unobtainium under their giant tree
(23:27:09) Emrys course CCH Pounder is the Wise Woman… which does redeem it a bit… because shes just awesome
(23:27:24) James Reinsch she does play that role well
(23:29:25) Emrys and there goes Grandmother Tree
(23:31:30) James Reinsch pretty splosions?
(23:31:42) Emrys lots of fire
(23:32:08) Emrys and the chieftain is dead… I saw that coming
(23:33:51) Emrys hey, theyre being held in the Torchwood containment units
(23:34:29) James Reinsch srsly?
(23:34:51) Emrys looks like the set with a smidge more lighting
(23:34:57) James Reinsch lol nice
(23:35:14) James Reinsch guess they spent all their budget on blue
(23:35:25) Emrys probably
(23:35:26) James Reinsch the most expensive of colors
(23:37:03) Emrys some of it looks like the Umbrella Corp underground base in the first Res Evil movie… course that could be cause Michelle Rodegez (the kick ass army girl from the first Res movie) is in this movie… and shes once again very awesome and badass
(23:38:21) James Reinsch i should watch that again, it was a good film
(23:38:38) James Reinsch resident evil is like the only video game to get good movies
(23:38:48) Emrys yeah
(23:39:03) Emrys we could watch all three of them… that would be awesome
(23:39:22) James Reinsch all at once?
(23:39:27) Emrys maybe?
(23:39:40) James Reinsch i should start some downloads :p
(23:39:48) James Reinsch or you can
(23:39:52) Emrys the first one is tame enough for the kiddo to watch… or we park him in front of his pc
(23:40:00) James Reinsch what?
(23:40:03) James Reinsch he’s 4
(23:40:20) James Reinsch the first movie STARTS with a zombie walking on a dislocated ankle
(23:40:37) Emrys yup
(23:40:47) James Reinsch oh wait no it starts with the building killing everyone. including a guy bisected by an elevator.
(23:41:32) Emrys there are FIVE movies?!
(23:41:37) James Reinsch there are?
(23:41:42) James Reinsch i only knew about 3
(23:41:57) James Reinsch get em all ^^
(23:42:17) Emrys all five?
(23:42:19) James Reinsch sure
(23:42:28) Emrys okie
(23:42:39) James Reinsch how’re the blue meanies?
(23:43:43) Emrys Blue Boy Marine escaped from the evil hoomans, and just tamed the big baddie flying thingy.. and its only like the 6th time anyone has done it.. .so hes like a god to them now
(23:44:21) Emrys … umm… they are all linked to the Tree of Souls… chanting and rocking back and forth…
(23:44:25) James Reinsch “we were born and bred to this but you just walked in and are somehow better at it than us. we love you!”
(23:44:44) James Reinsch lazy-ass writing
(23:45:05) Emrys and now they are moving Weaver’s hooman soul into her blue meanie toon.. I mean avatar
(23:45:37) James Reinsch oh god
(23:45:44) James Reinsch Avatar Online
(23:45:51) James Reinsch oh god oh god
(23:46:01) James Reinsch people would pay for it
(23:46:27) Emrys its a beautifully rendered scene… omg… it had the Matrix spinal tap at the base of the neck… shes connected
(23:48:11) Emrys oops… shes dead…
(23:48:33) Emrys and now for the rousing speech to get everyone to fight against the sky people
(23:48:51) Emrys oh I saw a boob jiggle
(23:49:03) Emrys it only took 2 hours and 3 mins
(23:49:12) Emrys and it happened for half a second
(23:51:01) James Reinsch awesome.
(23:59:46) Emrys I think I am at the final battle
(00:00:02) Emrys hes assembled the other tribes… and they are attacking the army dudes
(00:00:12) Emrys WHO HAVE MECHAS
(00:00:23) James Reinsch and they’re gonna win?
(00:00:35) James Reinsch what the hell
(00:00:48) James Reinsch SON I AM DISAPPOINT
(00:01:12) Emrys who needs advanced tech, when you can “connect” with not-horses and not-birds via your squiggly braid thingy and their EAR
(00:01:23) Emrys its like the ewoks all over again
(00:01:26) James Reinsch funny thing about birds
(00:01:32) James Reinsch squishier than mecha
(00:01:50) Emrys these are giant reptile like bird thingys
(00:02:02) James Reinsch still
(00:02:40) Emrys michelle rodgegez, hotty hot hot when painted up like a savage… I’d like to plunder her
(00:02:55) James Reinsch you’d mine her unobtainium?
(00:02:56) Emrys she doesnt have a toon… shes a pilot
(00:03:00) Emrys hell yeah
(00:03:38) Emrys http://boobsaregreat.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/michelle-rodriguez1.jpg
(00:03:53) James Reinsch boobsaregreat.com?
(00:03:57) James Reinsch AWESOME
(00:04:05) Emrys oh slo-mo deaths for some of the blue boys
(00:04:15) James Reinsch as for michelle… she looks like someone… i cant place who
(00:04:24) Emrys fuck… why does SHE have to die?
(00:04:40) Emrys She was the bad ass chick in Res Evil… who survived til almost the end
(00:06:17) Emrys she was also in Lost for a time
(00:06:22) Emrys Ana Cortez
(00:07:19) Emrys and Blue Girl was saved by stampeding hammerhead rhinos… and they say their deity heard his prayers
(00:08:09) James Reinsch aka Deus Ex Machina
(00:08:15) James Reinsch er… Deus Ex Rhino?
(00:08:24) Emrys or something
(00:09:20) James Reinsch unless you’re doing some proof of a deity later, like lightning bolts or angels or some shit, do NOT write in a “saved by prayer” device.
(00:09:36) Emrys yeah
(00:09:51) Emrys one of the hammerhead rhinos kneeled to blue girl though
(00:11:48) James Reinsch every time you say that i think of La Blue Girl
(00:11:59) James Reinsch aka “the reason when people think japan they think tentacles”
(00:12:02) Emrys lol
(00:12:16) James Reinsch watched those back in the late 90s… so bad.
(00:12:20) Emrys mecha vs hammerhead rhino
(00:12:44) James Reinsch hm
(00:12:48) Emrys and its dead.. but heres blue boy marine to fight
(00:12:51) James Reinsch that might take down a mech
(00:12:57) James Reinsch but the next mech would kill it
(00:13:15) Emrys mecha being driven by evil army hooman
(00:13:16) James Reinsch mechs get shit treatment in movies. i’m looking at you, the matrix.
(00:13:25) Emrys omg… that was straight from 300
(00:17:23) Emrys and now she finally knows what his ugly hooman mug looks like
(00:17:42) James Reinsch isnt it sorta the same with no catnose?
(00:17:55) Emrys yes and no…
(00:19:21) Emrys oh gods… theyre doing the matrix mind switch on him
(00:20:30) Emrys and now hes fully blue person
(00:21:37) James Reinsch bah, they’re not people
(00:21:59) Emrys … overall… meh… it was HORRIBLY predictable… yes… I will give it… its a fucking treat for the eyes… its BEAUTIFUL… however… I have seen beautiful but untimately unorginal works of art… and this is one of those
(00:22:06) Emrys its pretty… but meh
(00:22:20) James Reinsch thats about what i expected
(00:22:44) James Reinsch now can we never talk about it again?
(00:22:53) Emrys yup
(00:23:07) James Reinsch i’m making a box and putting avatar, harry potter and twilight in the box
(00:23:18) Emrys why harry potter?
(00:23:19) James Reinsch and then locking the box and throwing the box in a fire
(00:23:27) James Reinsch i hate harry potter. sick of hearing about it.
(00:23:35) Emrys I like harry potter
(00:23:39) James Reinsch then the ashes? i’ma burn them again
(00:23:40) Emrys its senseless fun
(00:23:51) James Reinsch and then i’ll make a machine that burns things that are already burned
(00:23:57) James Reinsch and burn the ashes again
(00:24:00) James Reinsch and then burn the machine
(00:24:27) Emrys are you done now?
(00:24:34) James Reinsch …yes.
(00:24:40) Emrys ok then